Dad

It's Fathers' Day weekend.  I never really liked that they call it "Fathers' Day', as my opinion has always been that all it takes to be a Father is for some dude to supply the needed DNA - same thing for "Mothers'Day".  I've liked to think of these 2 as "Mom's Day" & "Dad's Day".  That seems to me anyway, to mean more than simply being a "donor" of the raw materials.  It takes more to be a "Dad" than a "Father"........

That being said, I think I remember a different Dad than my brothers and sister do.  Being the last of 5 kids, I think I had different experiences with Dad than everyone else had.  Maybe because he screwed up with everyone else that he figured he'd try to be different with me.  Maybe he saw it like a "batting average" kind of thing, who knows!  Maybe he was trying to learn from the mistakes he'd made with my older siblings.  I know he grew up in a different time and age that I did.  That's something my own children bring up to me, thats for sure!  Not, that I'm making excuses for him, but I can attest to not knowing what the Hell I was doing sometimes either!  At some point - EVERY Parent is a rookie.  I'm no Master of raisng children - everyday, month, year has me trying to figure something new out.  I know he made mistakes raising his kids.  I know I have as well.  We all do the best job we can do - at least I like to think that is what I did raising mine.  Was my Dad one of those guys who really tried to be a good one - did he simply not know what he was doing?  Or was it easier to be the guy the rest of the Family paints?  Was he choosing to be a jerk?  Was it because he was unhappy with how his life turned out - I mean, he really didn't have a very good start in life anyways....A bastard Son - growing up in the era he did HAD to be a tough road to hoe.  Again, not making excuses - just looking at it from a different angle.  Regardless, I would rather remember the old dude that took me fishing....took me to his work when I was little - let me ride along with him on his route, (as it usually meant a big lunch!)  I'd rather remember that guy - not the guy that threw ashtrays at Mom, or didn't come to any of my games.

As different Holidays roll around, you see people changing their Facebook pictures.  Well, it's Fathers' Day, and I don't think I even HAVE a picture of my Dad - let alone one of the both of us.  That kinda hurts.  Guilt, I guess.  I dunno. 

I know as I have raised my kids, I tried to make a point to be picture crazy!  I wanted to have a bunch of pictures as they grew up.  I kept telling myself, that they were gonna get opportunities I never had - that just because they didn't have a "Mom", they werent' gonna miss anything.  When they were small, they loved it & it was easy to get pictures of 'em - as they got older, they complained, but I still got my pictures!

I know someday, I'll be gone - naturally.  When my kids grow more to adulthood & are able to look back at times in their lives, like I do about my Dad, I'm hoping there's no confusion for them.  They already have enough confusion - unanswered questions about their Mother.  They don't need anything like that from me. 

When that time comes, & I've passed on and whatever social networks exist, I'm hoping they'll have plenty of pictures of me with them.  It's something I think they'd appreciate.